The past few months have been rubbish. Life-changingly, curveball-throwingly rubbish. After much soul-searching I made the decision to pull the rug out from under my own feet and end a 20 year relationship. Cue 2 months of limbo-living and long over due conversations. As of a few weeks ago, I started living on my own for the first time in my life. I’ve just holidayed on my own for the first time too. So far, unsupervised living hasn’t resulted in anything too horrific, though I’ve had to use a ladder, and apparently the grass doesn’t cut itself.

Someone called me brave recently. I’m not so sure about that. I’m coming to realise that I’ve probably been mildly depressed for a couple of years. I let my health and well-being slip and actively chose not to do certain things. Now I’m trying to put all that back together and it actually feels good most of the time. The thing I’m enjoying most is getting back into a swimming pool on a regular basis. I hit the pools about 6 weeks ago, not really knowing how well I’d do at all. I managed to crank out 1km in about 40 minutes (which is pretty poor), but my back ached so badly afterwards I realised how tense and inflexible I was. Cue starting back at a weekly yoga class, and it’s paid off. After even just the first session I was so much better. Again another 1km in about 40 mins, but with no back pain this time. Next swim was 1.3km because I was just enjoying it. No idea how long that took me. Last 2 swims I’ve pushed the pace a bit and brought my 1km down to 35 mins and then 32 mins. Last swim I was short on time and not at my normal pool, so did a quick 500m in 15 minutes.

Now that I’ve managed to loosen up, improve my stroke and build up enough cardiovascular capacity that I’m not going to die gasping, next steps I think are to see if I can get those times right down. When I was swimming regularly about 15 years ago, I was doing 500m in 10 minutes easily (and when I was younger and swimming competitively I was a whole bunch faster again). So, next on the list is to start splitting my swims and see if I can build up some endurance. I’d like to try get into the pool twice a week as well if I can. What I wouldn’t give for a 50m pool though…sometimes I miss big city living…

3 thoughts on “Rubbish

  1. Wow Anne Marie, tough times but sounds like you are moving in the right direction. Glad that you are feeling better in yourself. Hope it felt good to write this post – that was brave!

    1. Its all a work in progress! Still figuring out what I want to write about here and what I don’t, but on the basis that I’m mainly writing for my own benefit, then if it helps to put it here…I was laughing at myself on holiday recently too. Some kind of cliche – forty-something British woman, drinking alone in northern Italy, wearing linen. I was a walking talking E.M. Forster novel…

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