Having spent the morning indulging myself in reading a bunch of blogs on the web I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. I can’t really keep up, and the distance and the gap to where I am is immense. I’ve mostly been reading back through the archives of people who have been blogging for years. It’s been a really valuable exercise in better understanding the lines of thought behind what those people are writing about at the moment.
I also feel pretty dumb by comparison now.
However, it’s given me real pause for thought in terms of where I want to go with my own foray into blog-land. It wasn’t really ever a consideration to do anything but host my blog myself. I wanted the freedom to do whatever with this space, but I am still working that out. My professional identity is multi-faceted – between paid employment and volunteering work – and how much of my personal life I want to be able to share remains unclear. What I am weighing up most heavily is the implications of putting anything I write into a public space. Reading back over some other blogs there’s a really rich and varied tapestry of topics, thoughts and opinions there, but there’s also strong evidence of privilege. I can’t imagine being able to write so openly on such a wide range of topics. Don’t get me wrong, I know I have privilege of my own – first world problems and all that – but it’s still hard. Imposter syndrome is a thing. Being a woman in IT is a thing. Considering how other people in my story would feel if I wrote about them is a thing. Fundamentally I believe that anything I put out there publicly moves beyond my control immediately and even if I curate my archive over time, become a serial deleter even, it’s too late. Calculating the potential future weight of my words is a bit exhausting.
With that in mind, I’m going to try catch 2 shows in the Cabaret of Dangerous Ideas series (part of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe). Both by colleagues of mine. See what I mean about an overwhelming abundance of smart people out there. Hopefully I’ll have some more insight.